


this love is strong (why do i feel weak?)

by waywardaussies



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, also casey is pretty cool, bryanna is chill in this, so no hate, some reference to hey violet but not much, very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardaussies/pseuds/waywardaussies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>if there's one thing luke knew for sure, it's that ashton would never love him the way luke loves him</p>
            </blockquote>





	this love is strong (why do i feel weak?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strangebyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangebyler/gifts).



> guys.. this one shot took 4 days to write cause i was second guessing myself. but its here.. i wrote it. 
> 
> i want to say some important things before you start reading so listen up!
>
>> first, i don't want to see any type of ashton/bryana hate in the comments. i don't care if you love her, hate her, want her to burn in hell. i made her pretty chill and nice in this story so thats what matters. 
>> 
>> second, again, i don't want to see any "hey violet" hate in the comments cause i added casey. thats not the point of this one shot. i just needed another person for luke to see that wasn't calum or mikey. THATS IT.
> 
> also: [i made a playlist](https://8tracks.com/sing-softlytomusic/i-could-be-all-that-you-need) that you can listen to while reading this.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this and please don't forget to comment and leave kudos :)

Luke laid on his bed, looking up at the ceiling, as the light from outside his window brightened his room. He can hear his mother talking to his brother, Jack, and his father watching the football game in the living room. He can smell dinner cooking downstairs, the sweet smell of grilled chicken and steamed peppers. He wanted to move, to go downstairs and eat the lovely food his mother has prepared; he wanted to watch the football game with his dad. He wanted to do all of that. Instead he laid on his bed, watching how the light danced on his ceiling, and not move. 

The only thing going through his head was that he was alone. He had no one to call his, he had no one to share this full sized bed with, he had no one. But he wanted someone. And not just anyone... he wanted someone with wavy brown hair, bright hazel eyes, strong arms, and chiseled jaw line. He wanted someone with gentle fingertips and the ability to make Luke laugh loudly with anything he says. He wanted someone who makes him feel safe and at home, even when they’re 5,000 miles away from Sydney. 

He wanted a specific someone. He wanted Ashton. But Ashton had someone of his own. Someone to cuddle with during the long nights, someone to take out and hold hands with in public… Even if Luke wanted him, he couldn’t even show him off. He would be forced—by social norms—to hide him away, sneak a kiss, and keep his distance. 

Luke was interrupted by his thoughts by a voice, calling him for dinner. The blonde boy rolled off the bed, stood up, and made his way downstairs.

~*~

“I’m so happy it’s finally summer!” Michael cheered, grabbing a bottle of beer from the cooler, then making his way back over to his three friends, who were all lounging by the side of the pool. 

“Yeah. Finally, we can sit out here and do nothing. As if we didn’t do that before.” Calum agreed, leaning back against the lounge chair, feeling the sun soak into his skin. Luke wasn’t listening to either of the boys, too busy glancing over at Ashton, seeing as the older boy typed away on his phone, lower lip caught between his teeth and eyes glowing from joy. Luke sighed, knowing exactly who he was talking to, and it made the younger boy sick to his stomach. 

Michael nodded at what Calum said, looking over at Luke and seeing his sad eyes. The darker haired boy hated seeing how whipped Luke is for Ashton. Don’t get him wrong, Michael loves Ashton. Ashton's like the older brother Michael’s never had. It was just that, Luke was hurting because of Ashton. Ashton has been in a relationship with Bryana Holly for two years, and those two years have been filled with Michael going over to Luke’s house with pizza and video games to try and get the older boy's face out of Luke’s mind. 

“You know what we should do?” Calum asked, sitting up and placing the sunglasses he was wearing on his head. “We should go down to the shore.”

“Seriously Cal?” Luke asked, turning to face the boy—mostly because he couldn’t look at Ashton any longer without wanting to cry. “I just want to stay here and relax! Not want to deal with other people."

“Why not?! When’s the last time we went?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow at Luke as he waited for the other boy’s answer. When Luke doesn’t answer, Calum nods. “Exactly. Come on, it’ll be like old times.”

“I pass.” Ashton says, getting up off the seat and putting his flip flops on. “Bry wants to go out for dinner tonight. It’s our 2 year anniversary.” 

Calum scoffed, dismissing the older boy. “Fine, be a loser. The rest of us will go and have a good time, right guys?”

Luke looked down sadly, fiddling with his fingers and ignoring Calum’s question. Michael filled the awkward silence with an affirmative shout, fist pumping in the air. 

“Ha, well you guys have fun.” Ashton said with a smile. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He turned to leave, then looked back at Luke, who’s head was still hung low and hands folded on his lap. Ashton let out a silent sigh, turning back and walking away.

Michael saw all of this, saw how Ashton hesitated, how he looked at Luke for some kind of signal, something Michael didn’t know. But it was still there, that unspoken one sided conversation before Ashton left, and Michael sighed, patting Luke’s shoulder nonchalantly—Calum was still very oblivious about everything so Michael didn’t want the tanner boy to figure anything out. 

“Come on boys! Get the beer and I’ll call the babes.” Calum said happily, before grabbing his things and leaving. 

~*~

Since the boys didn’t have enough beer for a shore party, Luke and Michael went to the store to get some more six-packs. the entire walk there was silent, both knowing what the other wants to say, but neither of them actually saying anything. Not until Luke is at the fridge section in the store, taking the beer out, is when Michael finally opens his mouth.

“You have to tell him.” 

Luke doesn’t need to ask Michael who the “him” was that he was referring to. “You know I can’t, Mikey.”

“You think he’ll hate you for something you can’t control. And you and I both know that’s not the kind of guy Ash is.” Michael looked around to see if there was anyone listening, then leaned in to Luke’s ear and whispered, “And you never know. Maybe he likes yo—"

“Don’t.” Luke’s voice was stern and hard, eyes fixed forward. Michael froze, slowly backing away from the blonde. 

“You don’t know Luke…”

“I do know.” Luke sighed. “He’s happy… with Bryana. He doesn’t like me, he doesn’t have feelings for me. Please don’t say things like that if you know they’re not true.”

“But Luke, that’s the thing. I’m sure that he does!” Michael got in front of Luke, preventing him from walking further. “He looked at you before he left, like he wanted you to say something to stop him, but you didn’t.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Luke argued, fingers straining from holding 2 cases of beer per hand. Noting the discomfort, Luke held out one of his hands, offering Michael 2 six-packs of beer. Michael took them in both of his hands, but continued. 

“Just… Please talk to him. Promise me you will.”

Luke sighed, nodding shortly and shutting Michael up. “Fine, I will.”

“Great. Now, let’s get to the shore!”

~*~

Ashton got a text from Bryana to meet at her house before going out. Usually this wouldn’t bother Ashton, but she seemed upset when he called her. He wished he knew what she was thinking instead of making guesses and (mostly) being wrong. 

Bryana is a wonderful girl, really sweet and pretty and makes Ashton smile. But sometimes Ashton wished he felt more for her. They’ve been dating for 2 years and Ashton has yet to feel pure attraction for the girl. Which seems really wrong to say but it’s true. He cares for Bryana, he doesn’t want to hurt her, but he doesn’t have that strong connection to her.

It might just be cause he compares a lot of his relationships to how him and the boys get along. They’ve been best friends for as long as Ashton could remember. Even though he is a year older than the others, they all have gotten along amazingly. Especially him and Luke. For some reason, Luke has always been the one that really made Ashton happy. He could just be playing his video game as Ashton watched, commenting on the graphics or how shitty Luke was, and Luke would let out this loud laugh, head thrown back with joy, and Ashton would feel… happy. He’d want to make Luke laugh like that again, want to hear that laugh and see Luke’s cheek turn pink over and over again forever. 

Ashton shook his head, feeling the thought exit his mind. He can’t be thinking about that now. He can’t…

He finally gets to Bryana’s house, walking up her stairs and knocking on her door. After a moment, she opens the door with a small smile. It seemed almost sad, like she had bad news, and Ashton didn’t like that one bit. He felt his heart plummet to his stomach, mouth hanging open a bit and face turning pale.

“I-Is… everything ok?” Ashton asked, watching as Bryana lets out a small breathy laugh.

“Come on in Ash.” Ashton walked into her house, making his way to her couch and sitting down. She sat down next to him and placed her hands in her lap, looking down at them. “Ashton, we need to talk.”

“What’s wrong? Is there something wrong? Did someone die?” Ashton asked frantically, thinking of the worse thing possible. Bryana chuckled lightly and shook her head.

“No, no one died. Don’t worry. It’s not terrible, it’s just… About us.” That made Ashton more terrified. 

“W-What about us?”

“Ashton… we’ve been drifting apart for a while now. Actually, since we’ve been dating we’ve been very… not relationship-y.” Bryana let out a sigh, looking up at Ashton.

“…What do you mean?"

Bryana bit her lip, blonde hair flowing over her shoulder as she pushes it behind her ear. “You’re… you’re not in love with me, Ashton.”

Ashton was silent. He wanted to fight her, wanted to tell her that she was wrong and he would spend forever proving her wrong. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and make it all better. 

But he didn’t. Cause she was right. He didn’t love her.

“I’m sorry.” he said quietly, head bowed and hands knitting through his hair. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s ok.” Ashton’s head shot up in shock. He wasn’t expecting that. “And it’s ok that you’re in love with someone else.” Now that he really wasn’t expecting.

“I-I-I’m not in love with someone else.” He lamely fought back, lip quivering as he stutters. 

Bryana let out a exasperated moan. “Ashton, please don’t act like that. I know you love someone else. And it’s ok.” Ashton was silent for a moment, not wanting to speak. So Bryana did. “Think of the one person in the world that makes you feel something. Makes you feel like life is worth living. Someone that makes you want to sing to the heavens and scream to the gods that they are the best thing in this world. And you’re happy cause they exist. Think about that person.”

All Ashton thought about was Luke.

Luke, with his bright blue eyes, filled with wonder and joy. Luke, with his laugh and smile, constantly making Ashton want to keep making the same jokes to get that same reaction out of him. Luke, and his talent, how he can sing any song on his beat up acoustic and it still sounds like heaven. Luke. Luke. Luke.

“Luke…” Ashton breathlessly whispered out, unconscious that he did so. Bryana nodded shortly, eyes closed as she thought of what to say.

“He’s a great guy, you know. I’m happy that he’s the one you fell in love with.”

Ashton didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know whether to apologize for two years virtually wasted being together when he never loved her. Whether to get up and leave, not to speak of this ever again and continue what they had. Whether to break down and cry, hold her tight in his arms and let go of all the demons and thoughts he’s ever had. 

He did the latter.

Eyes blurry and arms shaking, Ashton held onto Bryana and sobbed. Bryana didn’t say or do anything besides hold him back, rubbing her hand over his back and whispering soothing words. They stayed like that for God knows how long, just crying and shaking, the room filled with murmurs and sobs. After an eternity, Ashton pulled away, eyes red and buffy as he lets out a broken laugh.

“I’m a fucking asshole.”

“No you’re not Ash.” Bryana said. “You are the sweetest, most wonderful guy I know.”

“I led you on.” He said, looking up at Bryana with stone cold eyes that only spoke the truth.

“If I had to be led on by someone, I’m happy it was you.” She gave him a smile, hoping it lightened the mood. It did slightly, Ashton’s lip turning up wards in a small smile. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for falling in love with someone.” Bryana said, placing her hand over his. “Don’t you ever be sorry for your feelings. Never.”

Ashton just nodded. “What should I do?”

“Tell him.” She said simply. “Tell him how you feel.”

“I will.” Ashton said softly. “I promise.”

“Good.” Bryana smiled, a true smile, and Ashton lets out a small chuckle.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“I don’t know. But I’m really great, aren’t I?” The both of them laughed loudly, taking up the space in the room. 

“Can I still take you out?” Ashton asked. “I…I don’t know if we’ve broken up mutually yet, but I’d still like to go out tonight with you.”

Bryana just smiled, facing down. “Of course you can.” They both got up and got ready to leave. Before they could walk out the door, Bryana stopped him. “Even though we may not be dating anymore, I still care about you. And if you ever need me, I’m here.”

Ashton nodded, giving her a smile before walking out the door with his arm around her shoulders. His eyes seemed to take in the light from the dimming sun, shining a bright hazel. Bryana looked up at Ashton briefly, seeing just how the light catches his face and eyes. Her thoughts were somber as they got into the car and rove off.

~*~

They’ve been on the beach for hours, watching as the sun set on the water in front of them. A small crowd of people came—all thanks to Calum and his extremely long contacts list—and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Everyone but Luke.

Luke sat on a bench a bit away from where everyone was dancing to the radio, beer in his hand, as he watched people go in and out of the ocean. He ditched Mikey and Calum almost an hour ago, both of them way to drunk to function properly. 

The beach was getting cold as the sun began to set. People left the party to grab their jackets from their cars, coming back and chatting about how they should have a bonfire. Luke was still in his swim trunks and bare chest, too lazy to get up and grab a shirt. He really didn’t even want to be here, Calum practically forced him. Maybe he should leave while Calum and Michael are not paying attention…

“You look like you need some company.” A voice above Luke said. Luke looked up at the boy standing in front of him. He had dark hair, pushed back from being wet, and rather fair skin. His eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, but he wore a smirk that seemed to make Luke a bit uncomfortable. 

“I’m just taking a break from all the crazy going on.” Luke said, lifting the beer bottle to his lips and taking a sip. 

“Yeah, it’s getting a bit hectic now. Everyone wants to start a fire.” The boy explained, head lowering a bit. His hand raised to his glasses, lifting them up and placing them on his head. Luke now can see his dark eyes crinkle at the ends as he smiled. “I was wondering if I could join you.” When Luke didn’t catch on, the boy stuttered out, “I just… I was bored and you seemed bored and I thought ‘hey let’s be bored together!’. I’m sorry if I’ve bothered you.”

Luke let out a laugh, shaking his head a bit. “You’re not bothering me. I’d like the company actually.” The boy’s face broke into a huge grin as he went to sit down on the bench next to Luke. “I’m Luke. Luke Hemmings” he introduced, extending the hand that wasn’t holding the bottle. 

The boy smiled and took Luke’s hand in his. “Casey. Casey Moreta.” They shook hands and looked at each other, both with smiles on their faces and light from the sunset in front of them.

“Nice to meet you.”

~*~

By the end of the night, Luke and Casey had gotten to know each other pretty well. Luke found out that Casey was actually from America (California to be exact) but was staying here over the summer to visit some old friends and be on vacation. He had learned that Casey played bass and was in a band with 3 girls. Luke joked about the fact that he was in a band with girls, but Casey just shrugged. “They’re good musicians. You should come by one time and listen to us play.”

“That sounds like fun.” Luke said honestly, a shy smile gracing his lips. Luke had also let his guard down a bit too, telling Casey how he enjoys playing guitar with his downtime, how he loves his dog—Molly—to bits, and how he would love to travel the world one day. “Sydney is just so… boring.” He explained. “I’d love to go somewhere cool… Like Japan!”

“Japan? Really?” Casey asked mockingly, a chuckle coming out. “Why not somewhere with… history.”

“Japan doesn’t have history?” Luke asked sarcastically.

“No it does but… Why not someplace like Paris? Or Italy? Someplace… beautiful.” Casey’s eyes were fixed on Luke’s. Luke didn’t realize how close they have gotten, shoulders brushing and breath ghosting each other’s faces. Luke felt his heart beat quickly in his chest. 

“I’ll… have to think about that.” He lamely said, eyes never leaving the other boy’s. Within seconds, Casey was leaning forward, lips lightly brushing against Luke’s. The blonde’s mind was racing, thoughts bouncing around in his head. But nevertheless, he kissed back, hormones taking control over thoughts. His hand found it’s way to his face, holding Casey in place as both boys deepened the kiss. 

“Hey Case!” A voice called from the distance, causing both boys to pull away quickly. “Quit making out with the hot guy and let’s go! We’re leaving!” Luke turned to see who was the owner of the voice, and was met with a rather skinny girl with short dyed-red hair. She was with another girl with longer dark brown hair with colorful strands in it. Casey turned back to Luke with flushed cheeks pink lips. 

“I-uh… I want to see you again.” Casey said, fumbling in his pocket for something. He got what he wanted—his phone—and handed it to Luke. “Punch in your number. I’ll text you saying it’s me.”

Luke did was he was told, putting his number in Casey’s phone and saving it. He handed it back to the boy, who smiled widely as he held it, like it was precious gold or something. 

“We should hang out again sometime.” Casey said, getting up to leave.

“Yeah… I’d like that.” Luke replied, waving Casey goodbye as the boy walked off, a goofy smile on his face. Luke got up to find Michael and Calum; it was time for him to get his friends to bed.

~*~

Ashton wanted to go see Luke immediately after talking to Bryana, but the fear of “what if he doesn’t like me back?” ate at his insides. So instead of doing what he wanted to do, he went to his mother’s house. Honestly, he hasn’t seen his younger siblings in a few weeks and was missing them terribly. The family spent the whole day together: watching movies, having a family dinner, talking about everything new in Ashton’s life (he told his mother about him and Bryana breaking up, but not about the reason why. Anne only wanted to make sure her son was happy and ok, which he was).

It wasn’t until later that night that Ashton had the urge to leave because he needed to see Luke. It happened out of the blue basically, his thoughts suddenly clouded with the unbearable need to see the blonde boy. So he excused himself, telling his mother and siblings that he would see them soon, kissed them goodbye, and left.

The best way to explain it would be a panic attack. His heart started racing uncontrollably and his mind screamed “see Luke”. He didn’t want to, but Ashton couldn’t help but think that there was something wrong. Like his subconscious was warning him or telling him something is happening…

Ashton didn’t want to think that.

When he got to Luke’s house, it was nearly 10pm. He pulled in front of the house—noticing how Luke’s car wasn’t in that spot. Ashton got out of the car and made his way over to the door, knocking a few times and waiting for someone to open. Who he found was Liz, giving Ashton a friendly but confused smile. 

“Ashton… Hi sweetie. Is there something wrong?” Liz asked.

“No, I was just wondering if Luke was home. I… I need to talk to him.” Ashton’s voice quivered slightly. He bit his lip and looked up at the older woman, who was shaking her head sadly. 

“I’m sorry sweet heart, Luke went out on a date. He left a few hours ago, so he should be home soon.” Ashton felt his heart break into a million pieces. 

“N-No… it’s ok… It’s not that important. I’ll just text him.” Ashton turned to leave, giving Liza small weak smile. He got into his car, gripping the steering wheel as the air conditioning blasted on his face. Who was Ashton kidding? Luke would never love him…

~*~

Ashton woke up the next morning from his phone buzzing. Groggy eyes and lazy hands searched for the phone next to his bed, picking it up and looking at the screen.

3 missed calls from: Luke xD

5 new messages from: Luke xD

Ashton sighed, opening up his phone and reading the ten messages.

Luke xD: (11:08pm)  
hey, my mom said you came by.. what’s up?

Luke xD: (11:34pm)  
ash..? is everything ok? you normally don’t take this long to answer

Luke xD: (11:36pm)  
wait.. you might be asleep.

Luke xD: (11:37pm)  
sorry if you’re sleeping. ill just text you tomorrow.

Luke xD: (11:40pm)  
night :)

Luke xD: (9:50am)  
hey! wanna grab a bite to eat? 

Ashton groaned, rubbing his hand over his face as he contemplated texting Luke back or not. He felt bad just not answering him, so he sent him a “k”, then rolled on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow.

His phone buzzed next to him again; Luke answered.

Luke xD: (9:57am)  
cool ! :) meet me at mine in an hour.

Ashton didn’t bother answering him, just slowly getting out of bed and dragging his feet to the bathroom to get washed up. Once he finished, he put on an old muscle tee and skinny jeans, hair tied in a bun, and he left—not before grabbing his phone and keys.

When he got to Luke’s house, he found the blonde sitting on his porch, head low looking at his phone. Ashton held in the urge to let out a girlly giggle at how beautiful Luke looked, distracted by the outside world as his mouth hung open a bit, scrolling through his Twitter feed (most likely). Ashton figured he should let his presence known by now; he let out a cough, seeing as Luke’s head shot up. The boy smiled at Ashton, and Ashton could feel his stomach become light with butterflies.

“Hey!” Luke said cheerfully, getting up to give Ashton a hug. “I’m sorry if I woke you last night, or this morning for that matter.”

Ashton shrugged. “It’s ok. I needed to get out of the house.” His voice quieted as he finished that sentence, ignoring the pit growing in his stomach. “Anyway, let’s eat! I’m literally starving.”

“Same! Let’s go!” The boys got into Ashton’s car and drove off. 

~*~

“So…” Ashton dragged on. The boys were sitting across each other in a booth at a diner, the chatter of the people around them filling their own awkward silence bubble. Neither of the boys knew what to say, which was strange, cause they normally can talk about anything and everything. Ashton didn’t like that one bit. It made his heart feel a bit numb. “How was the beach party the other day?”

“Eh, it was alright. Calum invited like 30 people, there was a bonfire. Pretty average beach party stuff.” Luke explained, shrugging a bit. Then they were silent again. “How was… Bryana?”

“Uh-good… she’s good. We just went out to eat.” Ashton said awkwardly, not sure if he should mention they broke up. 

Luke frowned a bit. Of course Ashton and Bryana would be good, they’re practically in love! He felt his jealousy rise in his gut, but tried to suppress it. “That’s… good.”

Luke couldn’t help but give Ashton a once over for the millionth time. He could literally feel his body going hot and red, Ashton looked like a god. His hair was pulled back in a bun, sunglasses resting on the top of his head, muscle tee giving his large biceps a show, cheeks and chin littered lightly with scruff. Luke was dying slowly just looking at him!

He wanted to stop thinking so much about how beautiful Ashton looked, wanted to remind himself that Ashton didn’t feel the same way about him, wanted to think about Casey and how much fun they had last night. But he couldn’t stop looking into Ashton’s hazel eyes and seeing how they absorbed the light from the sun just outside their window. 

Just as things were about to get painfully awkward, an old couple came into the diner. The man was wearing a Hawaiian shirt with rather tight shorts for his chunky figure; the woman was a round, plump lady with the same Hawaiian style clothing only as a dress. They made their way over to the front table, talking to the worker there, backs to Ashton and Luke. Luke looked up and nearly choked, silently telling Ashton to turn around. When he did, he saw what Luke was laughing about. The couple’s butts were eating at their clothing, showing a clear line of their crack. 

“They must be hungry.” Ashton whispered, causing Luke to cackle loudly, head thrown back and eyes clenched shut as his voice took up the entire diner. People turned and looked at him, making him instantly shy. But Ashton wasn’t going to have Luke hide his beautiful laugh. “Imagine if they farted right now?”

Luke lost it with that. His normally pale face turned red as he clamped his hand over his mouth to hold in his laughs. Ashton’s chest felt light with happiness, seeing Luke like this—eyes brimming with tears of laughter and teeth biting down on his lower lip to muffle the sound. 

“A-Ash…” Luke gasped for air, wiping a tear from his eyes as he took a deep breath. “S-Stop! I’ll literally about to piss myself!”

Ashton didn’t want to stop. Not yet. Not when he can hear Luke’s beautiful laugh and see his face red and stunning. No… Not yet.

“Oh Melvin!” Ashton said, faking an old female voice. “Do you feel a draft in here?” Luke’s face scrunched up as he tried holding in the laugh he knew was coming. Ashton then lifted his arm to his mouth, blowing air out and making a low fart sound. “Oh dear! I’ve been holding that in for hours!”

Luke couldn’t hold it in anymore. His laugh took up the room, eyes tearing and hand hitting the table in front of him as he laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed until his sides hurt. He laughed until he couldn’t breathe any longer. He laughed until everyone turned and stared at him, but this time he didn’t stop. 

Ashton started laughing too, light and breathy as he watched Luke unravel and let go. It was too beautiful for his eyes to handle. Ashton calmed down before Luke, watching with fond eyes as Luke tried to calm down himself. A waiter had to come over and ask them to please calm down, causing Luke to laugh even more. 

Ashton was in love.

“C-Come on! Let’s get out of here.” Luke said, trying to catch his breath. Ashton agreed and the both of them left the diner, not even taking their food with them. 

“Want to go to the mall for a bit?” Ashton asked. Luke just nodded, a smile wide on his face. Ashton smiled back, looking down to see their hands so close to each other. He fought the urge to move those few inches and hold Luke’s hand, wrap his longer fingers around Luke’s. 

~*~

The boys went into stores, just looking around aimlessly. They went into a few odd shops and joked about the weird toys that were there. They also went into Victoria’s Secret, walking straight to the lingerie section, and made fun of all the panties and bras that the store had. They were asked to leave once workers saw they were acting childish, so they did.

After that, Luke wanted to go to the movie store to see if there was anything good. They walked in—Luke going straight to the section with the movie he wanted to see—and Ashton looked around at other movies, trying to find a good one. When Luke came back, he held up the movie (a documentary on the development of the Mars Rover) with a wide smile on his face. 

Ashton laughed a bit, jokingly saying, “Really Luke? Can you be anymore of a dork?”

“Come on! They have interviews with people that have actually seen the surface of Mars live!” Luke’s eyes were bright and Ashton couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. 

“Fine. We can watch it tonight if you want.” Luke jumped excitedly, going forward to hug Ashton. Even though Luke is a few inches taller than Ashton, Luke never fails to seem small in Ashton’s arms. 

“You’re the best Ash!” Luke said happily, letting go of him and going over to pay for the movie. Ashton smiled, watching fondly as Luke waited on line to get his weird documentary. When Luke was done, they left and headed for the exit. Ashton opened the door for Luke, causing the younger boy to blush deeply and look to the floor. But just as they stepped outside, an unknown person called out and waved towards them.

“Hey!” Ashton was confused as to who this boy was, but Luke had a bright smile on his face.

“Hey. Didn’t think I’d run into you here.” Luke told the boy once he was closer. The boy just smiled, running his fingers through his dark hair. 

“Yeah, I am meeting Rena here. She wanted some help picking stuff out for her sisters birthday tomorrow.” The boy looked over at Ashton, noticing the hard look the older boy was giving him. He coughed awkwardly, turning to Ashton with an extended hand. “Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Casey.”

Ashton looked at the hand for a second before taking it in his own and shaking hard. “Ashton.” His eyes didn’t look friendly in the slightest, so Casey let go and let out an awkward laugh. 

“Anyway…” He turned to Luke with a small smile. “Last night was fun. We should do it again sometime.”

Last night… No. 

Ashton’s face dropped as he looked at Luke, then Casey, then back at Luke. This… this was Luke’s date?! Luke went on a date with a… boy? The overwhelming thought that “Luke is gay” was flooding his mind; Ashton didn’t know whether to be happy that Luke liked boys, or depressed that he might have missed his chance to this Casey guy.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Luke replied, blushing slightly. Ashton wanted to throw up and punch a wall. Thankfully, Casey left after that, going inside the mall. Luke was a bit bashful still, walking over to Ashton’s car with a goofy smile on his face. 

“What was that about?” Ashton asked, the venom in his voice evident, yet Luke didn’t notice.

“I-uh… sorta went on a date with him last night.” Luke said, a hand going up to rub the back of his neck. Ashton’s eyes hardened, opening the driver’s side door and getting in, slamming the door shut once he was in. Luke followed after him, getting in the passenger side.

“So.. did you have fun? Was he boring? I bet he was boring as hell. I mean, look at his outfit! Seriously boring…” Ashton rambled, hands clenching the steering wheel. Luke sunk further and further into his seat as Ashton spoke, not understanding why he seemed so angry. 

“He’s actually pretty cool,” Luke admitted. “He plays bass and is in a band. We like the same bands and stuff. He even actually likes science!”

Ashton couldn’t hear a word Luke said cause all that was going through his mind was pure rage. His eyes narrowed as he began to drive, trying to calm himself enough to get the both of them home safely. "

Finally, Ashton blurts out, “You should have came to me before going out with him.” 

Luke turned to Ashton with a confused stare. He didn’t think he heard correctly… But he did. “Why should I talk to you to go on a date with a guy?” 

Ashton’s jaw tightened; Luke was able to see the veins in his neck pulsing. “Cause what if he’s no good.” 

Luke let out an empty laugh, rolling his eyes. “I hate to break it to you Ash, but you’re not the boss of me. You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t date.” Suddenly, Luke was quiet. His mind shifted into gear as he looked at Ashton with narrowed eyes. “Is it cause Casey’s a boy? You don’t want me dating a boy?” 

Ashton’s gaze was straight ahead at the rode, but he could just imagine the expression on Luke’s face. He gulped, loosening his grip on the wheel, but still kept the hard demeanor. They were silent for a long time—Ashton had pulled up to Luke’s house during that time, but Luke didn’t leave the car until he got an answer.

“Yeah, It’s not… It's not ok.” Ashton whispered, not even having the strength to look up at Luke. 

But if he did, he would’ve saw Luke’s face drop, eyes watering with tears. If Ashton could hear Luke’s heart, it would be a constant line of thumping, quick and painful as Luke just stared. He stared at Ashton’s profile for a long time, not knowing what to saw. Finally, Luke got the strength in his legs to move, opening the door and grabbing his things, but not before giving Ashton one last look.

“You know, I thought you would be the most supportive of me. But I guess I was wrong. So fucking wrong.” Then he was gone. Ashton never looked up to watch him leave, never called after him and told him what he said was a mistake, never asked for Luke’s forgiveness. He never did any of those things. 

He just put the car in drive and drove away.

~*~

Calum and Michael hated this. They hated that two of their best friends are fighting like this, barely talking, and not watching to even see each other. Calum had volunteered to be Ashton’s mouthpiece, while Michael was Luke’s. Calum decided to head over to Ashton’s to see how he was doing; the guy beat himself up after what happened, and Calum wasn’t helping Ashton’s self-loathe. 

“Buddy, you were wrong. I wish I could help you and defend you. But you said some shitty stuff.” Calum said, tightening his lips in a tight line. Ashton didn’t even fight back, he knew the other boy was right. 

“I know...” He was silent for a moment, playing with his long fingers, then goes “I didn’t mean it that way.” 

Calum tilted his head in confusion, not sure what Ashton was talking about. “Well then, how did you mean it?” 

Ashton looks up at Calum with wet eyes and goes, “That it’s not ok for him to date Casey cause I’m in love with him.” 

Calum’s eyes widened in shock, his mouth hanging open a bit. If there was one thing Calum expected to come out of Ashton’s mouth, that definitely wasn’t it. But by the way Ashton’s eyes watered, lower lip quivering as he bit down on it, trying to get it to stop, Calum knew the older boy wasn’t lying. But he was still confused… “Wait... Wait a minute... What about Bryana?”

Ashton sighed and whispered out, “She knew I wasn’t giving myself to her completely and figured out that I loved someone else… She even knew it was Luke. We broke up a week ago.” 

That was all Calum needed to hear. “Well what are you waiting for?! Get your fucking ass to Luke’s house right now and tell him exactly what you told me!” Calum demanded. 

“I can’t Cal… He hates me.” Ashton said weakly, but Calum wasn’t going to take any bullshit from Ashton. 

“I don’t care. You have to tell him how you feel! Otherwise, you will regret it for the rest of your life!”

Ashton thought about that for a moment. The last thing he wanted was to have regrets in his life. With that in mind, Ashton nodded shortly, getting up and following a bouncing Calum out the door and towards his car.

~*~

“Ash, get the fuck out of the car and go knock on the door.” Calum said exasperatedly. Ashton was staring at Luke’s door, contemplating whether or not he should actually do this.

“I-I don’t know… He might not want to see me.” Ashton argued pathetically. Calum scoffed, shutting the car and getting out, going over to Ashton’s side and opening it for him. He grabbed the older boy’s arms and dragged him out of the car, not listening to the weak protests coming from Ashton. Calum pulled Ashton along, getting him to the door and forcing him forward to knock on it. Ashton turned to face Calum one last time before gulping and lifting his fist up to knock.

Michael opened the door, arms crossing over his chest once he saw Ashton’s face. “He’s fucking crying his eyes out right now, I’m going to have to take a message.” Michael’s eyes were stone cold as he watched Ashton timidly turn to Calum for help.

Thankfully Calum did just that. “No Mikey, this is important. Please let Ash in so he can talk to Luke.” Calum gave the other boy a pleading look, watching as Michael’s expression and stature softened.

Mikey was a bit wary, but finally let out a sigh, inviting Ashton in, and leading him to Luke’s room. Ashton can hear Luke crying from down the hall and his heart shatters. Michael steps aside for Ashton to open Luke’s bedroom door and go in. But before he does, Mikey stops him and whispers “Don’t fuck this up Irwin. He’s basically broken right now.” 

Ashton nods and goes in, where he finds the most heartbreaking sight ever. Luke is curled in on himself on his bed, holding his stuffed penguin that Ashton got him a few years ago. Ashton feels his body go numb as he takes in this sight. Luke looks so vulnerable and small and there’s nothing more that Ashton wants to do than go over to him and hug him and kiss him and confess his love for the blonde boy. 

But what was the worst was watching Luke turn his head upwards, seeing Ashton, and giving him a broken smile. His eyes looked so dull and distant, and his smile wasn’t full, like the ones Ashton loves. Ashton just stared, wanting to say so much but not knowing the exact words to express what he was feeling. The only thing he could think of doing was running over to Luke and holding him.

And that’s what he did.

He makes his way over to Luke and jumps on his bed, hugging him so tight and holds him and doesn’t let go until he feels Luke’s arms snake around Ashton’s body and hug him back. But once he does, Ashton feels wetness on his shoulder. He tilts his head to the side a bit to see Luke crying, clinging onto Ashton for dear life, as if he will disappear if he doesn’t. Ashton still holds him and let’s him cry, rubbing his back softly and whispering in his ear “It’s ok. I’ve got you. I’m here... I’m sorry."

After a moment, Luke pulls away, wiping his eyes and tilting his head in confusion. “Why are you here? I thought you’d be disgusted by me. You know, me dating a boy and all…” 

Ashton holds in the urge to clench his jaw at the vague mention of Casey and says softly, “I could never be disgusted by you. You’re... You’re perfect.” 

Luke shakes his head. “Please don’t humor me. I don’t think...” he sighs, voice shaking as tears brim his eyes again. “I don’t think my heart can take it.” 

“What do you mean?” Ashton asked, lifting his hand to wipe away a fallen tear from Luke’s cheek.

Luke took a deep breath, looking down at his hands. “You... You being nice to me after you’ve voiced your opinion on the matter is… it's not right Ashton.” Luke’s voice rose a bit out of anger. He looks up at Ashton with wet eyes, and continues, "One minute, you’re stone cold and saying how it’s not ok for me to date a guy. Then the next, you’re saying I’m perfect. It’s all too much.” 

Ashton looks down at the bed cause Luke’s right. He’s right. Ashton needs to just come out and say what he feels now.He needs to tell Luke everything, give him everything. Luke deserves it. Luke, with his bright blue eyes that sparkle whenever he thinks about something he likes. Luke, with his loud laugh that others find annoying but Ashton loves to pieces. Luke, with his weird obsession with science and math and brilliant mind, even though Ashton is clueless when it comes to school. Luke, with his beauty and grace as he walks down the street, capturing the eyes of everyone he meets cause he’s just that charismatic. 

Luke… the boy Ashton fell in love with.

Ashton needed to tell Luke all of this… Or… He could show him…

Ashton lifts his hand slowly to trace Luke’s jawline, staring longingly into his bright blue eye—which were a bit red ringed from crying before. He sneaks a glance at Luke’s lips. His lips... So full and pink and cupid bowed and lovely. And then Ashton cups Luke cheek with his hand as Luke just watches, wide eyed and confused, mouth hanging open as Ashton’s gaze goes from his eyes to his lips. 

Then in a spilt second, Ashton is pushing forward towards Luke, his lips catching Luke's perfectly. Ashton's mouth just rested there on Luke’s for a moment, neither of them moving. Their eyes were closed and they could feel each others' hearts racing, beating so fast in their chests it was almost painful. Finally, Ashton moves his lips slightly, trying to sense whether Luke wanted this, and by-fucking-God he does. He really does. He’s kissing Ashton back hard, hands making their way to tangle in Ashton’s hair and pull him closer. Cause he wants to be closer to Ashton, wants to feel him more and taste more of him.

They bodies had blended into one being, fingers tangled in each other’s hair, pulling each other closer. They didn’t want this to end, not yet. They weren’t ready. They wanted to kiss forever, watched to feel each other’s skin under their fingertips forever. They wanted this to last forever. 

But the both of them need to breath, feeling their lungs dry out from lack of oxygen. So they pulled away slowly, still very close to each other, and looked into each other’s eyes. Neither of them said anything at first, the silence too comforting and real—they didn’t want to ruin it. That was, until Luke let out a whimper, going forward to cling onto Ashton once again. 

Ashton held Luke, not stoping the smile that stretched across his face. He ducked his head down to give Luke a kiss on the top of his head. “I love you…” Ashton whispered softly.

Luke froze. He wasn’t sure if he heard correctly. He pulled away, with a shocked expression as he tried to read Ashton’s face for anything that would say he was lying. He couldn’t find anything. “Y-You’re… serious?” The older boy nodded, a goofy smile on his face. “Bu-But… What about Bryana?”

“She-erm… She figured out that I love you. She’s cool with it, by the way. We broke up mutually a week ago.” 

Luke didn’t want to believe this, he wanted this to be a dream. Cause if this was real, then he might just pass out. Luke tested this theory by lifting his hand up slowly to Ashton’s face, his scruffy cheek prickling the pads of Luke’s fingertips. The sensation sent shivers down Luke’s spine because this was real… Ashton loves him.

“You’re not lying?” Luke asked hesitantly. Ashton shook his head.

“I’m telling the truth.” Ashton said softly, reaching for Luke’s hand and enclosing it in his. "I love you Luke. I love that you laugh at everything I say, even when it’s not funny at all. I love that you’re so smart, but so humble about it. You never make me feel like shit for not knowing a fact or something. I love that you’re so talented. I love that you’re clumsy cause of your really long legs. I love when you invite me over to watch weird documentaries or indie films and we sit and laugh about the people in it for hours, not even watching it anymore. I love you, Luke. I love everything about you.”

Luke was speechless, mouth hanging open the entire time. He wanted to say so much, wanted to agree with Ashton and confess his love for him as well. But all that came out was, “I fucking love you too,” before leaping forward and capturing Ashton’s lips in his own again. 

They kissed again. They kissed until their lungs couldn’t survive without air. They kissed until the sky changed from bright blue to dark red and orange. They kissed until They heard Michael and Calum laughing on the other side of the door, Michael shaking his head with a small chuckle. 

They kissed. And kissed. And kissed...


End file.
